In the conversation of beauty I hear women constantly say
"I'm not beautiful" or "I'm not good enough" or "I'm
not pretty enough." But the thing is: who is? I want to bring
light to this topic because I was inspired and it's something that no matter
how many compliments one receives, negative thoughts will return.
Although the media suggests there is a universal beauty standard, and in some constructed respects it's true, there really isn't. Darwin and other evolutionary scientists who also looked at cultural beliefs in depth have asserted that beauty is constructed by the cultural group; therefore, ideas of beauty differ from group to group (Etcoff, Wolf). Also, photographs of models are always retouched because everyone lays victim to "imperfections." Those in the fashion industry have even said that: in consequence, they constantly look for imperfections in themselves which leads to extremely low self-confidence.
I remember my childhood and being the "fat girl." I was the tallest, I was the biggest, and I just didn't fit in...and I attended the same small school from K-12. I was labeled in elementary school and although I physically changed, the nickname stuck until I walked past the stage for my diploma. And even though I moved onto the next phase of life, those people attended the same college as me. So let me tell you, I get it. As a child, I had uncles tell me I weighed more than their wives and my dad changed my weight on my AYSO papers. OH, and at my largest in middle school, I was a size 18.
After graduating I made it a goal of mine to get into a size 2. And I did. I worked out six days a week and I barely ate. Since then I've gained back some weight, but I'm healthier and I'm happy. But why did I care so much? I didn't make the change because of my health...I did it because I wanted to look "pretty." And even now I pick myself apart with things that I feel need to be improved.
The reason I've told the small story above is because I want to encourage you to feel that you're worthy. I've been on both ends of the spectrum...a size 18 and a size 2...and I was never content. Beauty is constructed, but physical beauty alone is superficial and fleeting. When I walk around the mall I'm not looking at other people to criticize them; hell if you have an amazing hairstyle I'm wondering how I can do that to my hair. The thing is most people aren't out there to cut you down. That should have ended in high school and if it didn't, don't worry about it. Those people are immature and can't see beauty really does start inside and radiate to the outside. Beauty is rooted in confidence, and if you've got it you better rock it! It doesn't matter what you look like, it's about how you feel about yourself and what you're willing to do with what you've been blessed with.
So I'm going to include my 5 tips to be confident in your own skin and to find your own beauty.
1. Everyone's different, so find your niche.
I don't look like you and you don't look like me, so embrace the features you have and make them work for you in a way that makes you feel confident.
2. Find beauty in others.
When you start looking for beauty in others your ideas and definitions of beauty expand. Not only do you become a much better person, you can appreciate beauty and will notice how you can contribute.
3. Find something that makes you feel good and run with it.
If you feel like a certain lip color looks good on you or you've mastered the perfect cat eye, make it your thing. Allow yourself to have a signature that you're confident in, so no matter how bleh you feel that day you've always got your fall back plan to pick you up. And on the flip side, if there's something you don't particularly like, find a way to work around it or draw attention elsewhere (perhaps with your amazing red lipstick).
4. Keep busy.
Whether it's after a breakup or it's just a bad day, it never helps to just focus on the pain. The same goes for your confidence. Keep yourself busy with things that are positive and that distract you from focusing on the negative comments or thoughts about yourself. This will allow you to thrive and realize there's way more to life than negative feelings.
5. It's all up to you.
If you let yourself get discouraged by what others think then you will be. It's all about how you internalize things. If you want to be happy and confident, then make an effort to get there. Surround yourself with those who keep you on your feet and will catch you if you fall. And remember, we all have days where we don't feel our best, but it's not an excuse to throw yourself a pity party if there's something you can do about.
Truth, I was inspired by RawBeautyKristi's video "Beauty Doesn't Matter" (which I totally encourage people to watch), and I was so happy when she agreed to contribute and gave me 5 tips on being confident, being beautiful, and being yourself!
1. Realize that the ones that judge, don't matter.
The type of person that will judge you based on your looks instead the content of your character is not the type of person you should put stock into. No one needs negative and judgemental people in their lives, because it lowers confidence and makes you question yourself. Forget them, and realize that how you look is the last thing that matters in life, its how you act and treat others that people will remember in the long run.
2. Be a good person.
Being a good person and doing good things for others not only helps everyone, but makes you feel better about yourself and makes confidence radiate through. 100 years from now, after you are long gone, people will remember you for the amazing things that you did, and how you affected their lives. What they won't remember is how pretty your makeup was, or how you had blemishes on your face. Being a GOOD person is the only thing that matters.
3. Be confident without being conceited.
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Remembering that confidence is saying "I accept who I am, and I love who I am, and I can do that without needing approval from others" VS saying "I am amazing and perfect and no one could ever be as great as me." Even if you don't FEEL confident, pretend you do. Eventually, you will feel that way and trust me, it feels amazing.
4. Harsh words stick with us and compliments diminish.
Ever had someone say that they love your hair? Did you dismiss the compliment only to say "oh thanks.. but its really dry this time of year."
Don't dismiss compliments, accept them. When someone tells you that it "looks like you have lost some weight" Don't say "no, i am fat" say "thank you, thats so nice of you to say!"
Its hard to accept compliments, and generally they don't stick with you. The words you REMEMBER people saying are the harsh words. "You are a fatass" or "You are a zit face."
You will remember those for the rest of your life, but lets not forget, for every harsh word someone has spoken into us, there were probably 100x more compliments that we chose to ignore. Don't ignore them, embrace them.
5. When you stop caring, others start loving.
Ever meet someone and you say "gosh, i wish i could be like her. She doesn't care what anyone thinks about her."
You CAN be like her, and it's as simple as NOT CARING.
Stop thinking about the things that plague you. Your muffin top, your thin hair, your makeup etc. Look at yourself as if you were an outsider looking in. If you radiate confidence, you will forever be seen as "maybe she has a muffin top, but she doesn't seem to care, and thats cool."
Because it is. Be care free, have fun. Its okay to look stupid, and act silly, and look messy. Because WHO CARES?
No one.
Although the media suggests there is a universal beauty standard, and in some constructed respects it's true, there really isn't. Darwin and other evolutionary scientists who also looked at cultural beliefs in depth have asserted that beauty is constructed by the cultural group; therefore, ideas of beauty differ from group to group (Etcoff, Wolf). Also, photographs of models are always retouched because everyone lays victim to "imperfections." Those in the fashion industry have even said that: in consequence, they constantly look for imperfections in themselves which leads to extremely low self-confidence.
I remember my childhood and being the "fat girl." I was the tallest, I was the biggest, and I just didn't fit in...and I attended the same small school from K-12. I was labeled in elementary school and although I physically changed, the nickname stuck until I walked past the stage for my diploma. And even though I moved onto the next phase of life, those people attended the same college as me. So let me tell you, I get it. As a child, I had uncles tell me I weighed more than their wives and my dad changed my weight on my AYSO papers. OH, and at my largest in middle school, I was a size 18.
After graduating I made it a goal of mine to get into a size 2. And I did. I worked out six days a week and I barely ate. Since then I've gained back some weight, but I'm healthier and I'm happy. But why did I care so much? I didn't make the change because of my health...I did it because I wanted to look "pretty." And even now I pick myself apart with things that I feel need to be improved.
The reason I've told the small story above is because I want to encourage you to feel that you're worthy. I've been on both ends of the spectrum...a size 18 and a size 2...and I was never content. Beauty is constructed, but physical beauty alone is superficial and fleeting. When I walk around the mall I'm not looking at other people to criticize them; hell if you have an amazing hairstyle I'm wondering how I can do that to my hair. The thing is most people aren't out there to cut you down. That should have ended in high school and if it didn't, don't worry about it. Those people are immature and can't see beauty really does start inside and radiate to the outside. Beauty is rooted in confidence, and if you've got it you better rock it! It doesn't matter what you look like, it's about how you feel about yourself and what you're willing to do with what you've been blessed with.
So I'm going to include my 5 tips to be confident in your own skin and to find your own beauty.
1. Everyone's different, so find your niche.
I don't look like you and you don't look like me, so embrace the features you have and make them work for you in a way that makes you feel confident.
2. Find beauty in others.
When you start looking for beauty in others your ideas and definitions of beauty expand. Not only do you become a much better person, you can appreciate beauty and will notice how you can contribute.
3. Find something that makes you feel good and run with it.
If you feel like a certain lip color looks good on you or you've mastered the perfect cat eye, make it your thing. Allow yourself to have a signature that you're confident in, so no matter how bleh you feel that day you've always got your fall back plan to pick you up. And on the flip side, if there's something you don't particularly like, find a way to work around it or draw attention elsewhere (perhaps with your amazing red lipstick).
4. Keep busy.
Whether it's after a breakup or it's just a bad day, it never helps to just focus on the pain. The same goes for your confidence. Keep yourself busy with things that are positive and that distract you from focusing on the negative comments or thoughts about yourself. This will allow you to thrive and realize there's way more to life than negative feelings.
5. It's all up to you.
If you let yourself get discouraged by what others think then you will be. It's all about how you internalize things. If you want to be happy and confident, then make an effort to get there. Surround yourself with those who keep you on your feet and will catch you if you fall. And remember, we all have days where we don't feel our best, but it's not an excuse to throw yourself a pity party if there's something you can do about.
Truth, I was inspired by RawBeautyKristi's video "Beauty Doesn't Matter" (which I totally encourage people to watch), and I was so happy when she agreed to contribute and gave me 5 tips on being confident, being beautiful, and being yourself!
1. Realize that the ones that judge, don't matter.
The type of person that will judge you based on your looks instead the content of your character is not the type of person you should put stock into. No one needs negative and judgemental people in their lives, because it lowers confidence and makes you question yourself. Forget them, and realize that how you look is the last thing that matters in life, its how you act and treat others that people will remember in the long run.
2. Be a good person.
Being a good person and doing good things for others not only helps everyone, but makes you feel better about yourself and makes confidence radiate through. 100 years from now, after you are long gone, people will remember you for the amazing things that you did, and how you affected their lives. What they won't remember is how pretty your makeup was, or how you had blemishes on your face. Being a GOOD person is the only thing that matters.
3. Be confident without being conceited.
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Remembering that confidence is saying "I accept who I am, and I love who I am, and I can do that without needing approval from others" VS saying "I am amazing and perfect and no one could ever be as great as me." Even if you don't FEEL confident, pretend you do. Eventually, you will feel that way and trust me, it feels amazing.
4. Harsh words stick with us and compliments diminish.
Ever had someone say that they love your hair? Did you dismiss the compliment only to say "oh thanks.. but its really dry this time of year."
Don't dismiss compliments, accept them. When someone tells you that it "looks like you have lost some weight" Don't say "no, i am fat" say "thank you, thats so nice of you to say!"
Its hard to accept compliments, and generally they don't stick with you. The words you REMEMBER people saying are the harsh words. "You are a fatass" or "You are a zit face."
You will remember those for the rest of your life, but lets not forget, for every harsh word someone has spoken into us, there were probably 100x more compliments that we chose to ignore. Don't ignore them, embrace them.
5. When you stop caring, others start loving.
Ever meet someone and you say "gosh, i wish i could be like her. She doesn't care what anyone thinks about her."
You CAN be like her, and it's as simple as NOT CARING.
Stop thinking about the things that plague you. Your muffin top, your thin hair, your makeup etc. Look at yourself as if you were an outsider looking in. If you radiate confidence, you will forever be seen as "maybe she has a muffin top, but she doesn't seem to care, and thats cool."
Because it is. Be care free, have fun. Its okay to look stupid, and act silly, and look messy. Because WHO CARES?
No one.
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